Thursday, July 21, 2011

Revelations in a Letter

A friend of mine was and I suppose will for some time be going through a difficult time in her relationship with a guy she was dating for awhile. She has finally come to a place where she knows it's not going to get any better and she has fallen out of love with the person he has sadly become. She read the following letter to me about a week ago and I felt it was so incredibly powerful and raw that I just had to share it on my blog. She did indeed give this letter to him.

Of course, with her permission, here is the letter:

"I miss you. I don't mean the "I am going out of town for the weekend" type miss you. I really miss you. I miss us. I miss the people we used to be. The people that I thought we were becoming. I miss my ace, my number one, my friend.

I can and I will admit that I fell in love with you. The type of wake up in the middle of the night just to smell your scent type of love.

But as time goes on as it always will and new days emerge as do revelations, time has brought us to this place, this moment. Not the most defining but a moment that I have always dreaded but can't push away any longer because it is consuming me and I can't breathe.

I have decided that those people we were, those two strangers who just so happened to hit it off, are not the people we are today and we will never be again. That's okay though. People evolve and adapt and relationships do the same.

I asked myself a thousand times "How can we make it like it used to be?" Oh, I know:
  • I can take us to Vegas for a "romantic" weekend
  • I can take him on dates to show him that he deserves it just because he is with me
  • I can turn my house into a strip club to show him that I am not the person his friends think I am, I am a fun person with a great attitude
  • I can give him my body because it has been his since he first touched my little girl (and I am not talking about a kid)
But wait, there are no we's...What is he doing to get us...somewhere, anywhere.

I appreciate the occasional lunch and movie. I love when we can have a conversation about nothing. Lay around and just be. I love that feeling of he misses me when I am out of town because he texts me so.

But I have evolved and I know that what we had is gone and all we have is right here, right now. There is no future for us and you never hint that there ever will be.

You told me that you didn't want to hurt me but I don't understand how you can't see the hurt all over me. The sadness, the anger that you caused but I am always apologizing for.

My back is against a wall and my screams are falling on deaf ears and a heart that belongs to another. There is no compromise. There is no life line. So I ask myself what is it that I am fighting for. The answer is the two strangers who happened to meet each other and hit it off but they no longer exist in this reality. The people I hoped they would be together for as long as they needed to be, wanted to be.

But here we are, right here right now, living in the present with no future holding on to what was and just now accepting what it is. The love I have for you was something I hadn't felt in a long time. There have been others but none I let my guard down for. I was ready for you, I was waiting for you.

I love you and I have to let go. I can't keep fighting for you when you aren't fighting for me. I wanted you with everything inside of me but I am a person in this relationship and I have grown enough to know I need more and I want more and I have to stop settling for less than.

This letter didn't come easy and my heart is breaking with every word. I am so weak when it comes to you but I am strong in faith to know that when you are going through hell you keep going because it will get better.

This is goodbye for now and who knows it may turn into a see you later. My feelings for you can't handle being friends. I am not there nor do I know when I will be."

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