Is this an LA feeling?

It's been... oh who care how long it's been. Bottom line, it's been a long time since I've blogged. I wouldn't even call this my return to blogging regularly but rather a momentarily relapse. :-p
I honestly felt like there was a time when this blog felt more like a continual homework assignment. It began to pressure me constantly. The need to get something up on here was constant and it really stressed me out. And who needs more unnecessary stress in life? Having said all that I still do have my moments when I know that getting the words out of my bead would be therapeutic. That's really what this blog was for the longest time-a chance for me to get my thoughts and feelings organized.

This brings me to my blog today....

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my life. I know, what a crazy thought! Haha
What I mean to say is how could I be making myself more happy and more mindful of my future. Am I currently doing everything that I could be? What needs to change, if anything? My job? My housing situation? My friends? My love life? How often does any of us really stop and evaluate our present path in life?
Frankly, if I could get up from my life and move to Europe for a year, I would in a heart beat. I would drop everything and just move alone there. Sure, I would miss friends and family endlessly but that feeling is no stranger to me. I've been missing people my entire life. I know that I would be alright and with email and all the many social networking tools at my fingertips I would stay in touch with everyone that is important to me. So what's stopping me then, you may ask? Perhaps it's that I don't think that I've enjoyed and discovered Los Angeles enough. I'll have lived here for 3 years in January and while plenty of the city is familiar to me, I still feel quite foreign in a lot of areas here too. And let's not forget that I am genuinely happy living in LA. I have no burning issues or problems here. I really do love the life that I've built for myself. I have awesome friends that warm my heart and offer me endless support. My family is close by. I have three jobs that keep me incredibly busy and secure.

Maybe the feelings I'm having are common for a LA resident... Maybe it's normal to get a little wanderlust every now and then. It's just a thought... Maybe this is my need for a change like when I change my room around. Somehow, moving one or two pieces of furniture around in my room gives me such a new perspective. I love the ability to do that every once in awhile. So, maybe I need to change something about my life. Whether is something small or not, it could make a world of a difference to how I'm feeling. Do other people in their late 20's just go through this phase?

Monday Listicles

Thanks to my fellow bloggers, I've found something to post today. Yay! Let's face it, I'm feeling rather lazy these days and I always love a good list. They really do a blogger good. So, here I go linking up with Stasha for Monday Listicles.

This week's topic comes from Ally of Two Normal Moms: 10 things you’d like to see happen before you die or 10 things that give you anxiety. I chose the latter.

10 Things That Give Me Anxiety

1. Um, basically everything. Done.

1. Parking in LA totally freaks me out.

2. Arriving late for anything.

3. Unanswered emails in my inbox.

4. Unwatched Netflix movies thereby keeping them too long and not getting a new movie! Aaahh! I know, I'm weird.

5. Guys.

6. Writing this blog at times...haha

7. Keeping up with my schedule. Work, gym and maintaining somewhat of a social life.

8. Birthdays and growing older in general.

9. Fashion. Knee-length boots, well, boots of any kind really.

10. Awkward silences.

Something to be Grateful For

I found this quote below about a year ago but only today does it really strike me as so true and strangely calming. It comforts me knowing there is great truth behind this quote for me. Perhaps, this is a sign of my healing....

"I have found something new for which to be grateful. It's morbid, but I'm grateful that I will never have to look forward to the deaths of the two people I loved most. I will never again have to deal with low numbers or high numbers on monitors and oxygen tanks or brain scans and radiation and wheelchairs. This holiday, it sucks like hell that I don't have parents, but now there is this gift I'm newly ready to accept- the realization that I was so magically, desperately, ruby-red loved. There's an equisite power in that, like knowing every road. It's enough to last me a few hundred more holidays, behind trees or raw in the wide open. I'm the luckiest free girl in the world."
-Wish I knew where this was from but today I cannot remember at all.

If I remember correctly, the article that I took this quote from was about a woman in her mid-twenties who had recently lost her mother just months after her father had passed away. They had both been very ill with different types of cancer at the end of their lives and she was their primary caretaker. Losing them like that was as difficult as you can imagine but she also found peace as well in the end of it all. They were no longer suffering and she wouldn't have to visit them in hospitals anymore. Everyone's pain had essentially ended. In a sense, she could finally stop hurting and begin grieving and face the healing process.

While, this woman's situation and mine are very different, I can still understand where she is coming from. I will never have to face ever seeing my parents go through an ounce of what this woman did. My parents will never grow old or get sick. I never have to worry about one of them getting Alzeihmers or other awful diseases. They will forever stay the ages that they were when they died. Most importantly, they died together and were at a happy place in their lives and knew that my sister and I were embarking on wonderful things in our lives. Of course, none of this makes losing them any easier but like the woman said in the quote, "I'm grateful that I will never have to look forward to the deaths of the two people I loved most."

2012 Hopes & Plans

Yes, it's been over a month since I last posted anything on here. Lately, I just didn't have it in me to write and be creative. However, suddenly tonight I felt the urge to post something.

2011 was such an emotional roller coaster year for me. As many highs as there were, there were that many lows. I've been hurt, I felt other's pain, I've traveled immensely, I've loved and lost, I've physically challenged myself, I've had positive professional breakthroughs, I took a hair-related risk and so much more. These things just begin to describe my year.

I can't say I've ever been more happy to see a year go by. While a pessimist would just be bitter and angry that they had a rough year, I'm taking the optimistic approach. I have great hope for 2012. I'm taking all that I learned last year with grace and using it to be a better and smarter woman today. I don't exactly regret anything but rather, I aspire to do it a little differently next time around.

These are not my New Years Resolutions but rather things that I would like to work on/do in 2012. I'll call them my 2012 Hopes & Plans.

1. Be a little kinder to my heart.
2. Make a video of myself singing. Whether I share it on Youtube is yet to be decided. :)
   
3. Go skydiving... Maybe.
   
4. Run more short races to improve my speed. And no, no more Full Marathons. One is plenty!
   
5. Explore all my hobbies. For example, I haven't scrapbooked in about a year!
6. Create a budget and really stick to it!
7. Visit a friend in a state/city I've never been to! I'm considering Washington Seattle, Dayton Ohio and Boise Idaho.
8. Go to more concerts.
9. Continue working out and eating healthy like I did in 2011.
   
10. Be more impulsive and spontaneous.
    
11. Write in my journal more often.
    
12. Read more.
13. Learn something new. I haven't decided what that is going to be yet....