Days On The Calendar

I haven't posted in a while because I've been busy and haven't been inspired to write. Hopefully, that will change soon. But today I had to write something.

Four years ago today a water heater took my parents' lives.

Correction, the poisonous gas emitted from a water heater took them from my sister, a grandson they never got to meet, other family and friends and me.

It's exhausting to think that I will have to face this day, the anniversary of their deaths with these emotions every year for the rest of my life. There is no escape.

October is on the calendar every year. It's right there between September and November.

I miss my mom and dad every day and wish I could hear their voices, feel their hugs and simply be with them all the time, but today hurts more than all the other days on the calendar. October 15th forces me to relive that actual life-changing day. October 15th magnifies my emotions and the fact that my parents are gone. Four years ago and one day, they were still here but four years from now, they'll still be gone. They'll be gone. Perhaps, I'm still struggling with wrapping my head around that fact.

I always spend October 15th with my sister and we do something together, just the two of us. I can't imagine spending the day any other way than remembering and reflecting. And yes, feeling tremendously sad.

I know that I'll always feel this way, but in time, with a little hope, I will find peace.