Updates on Me

If you've been following my blog for awhile then I'm sure you've been noticing that my blogging lately has become random and also kind of rare. Honestly, it's definitely not because my life has become boring and I simply don't have anything to post about. Just the opposite in fact. It's because I've been very busy and blogging has become one of the things that gets dropped.

So to fill you in on what's been going on in my life, here is a brief list with the highlights in no particular order:

1. We shot half of the 2012 Pin-Ups for Vets Calendar earlier this week. Like last year, it was exhausting but so much fun and rewarding. I think I really may have found my calling-production and artistic design work really is my forte. Right Gina? : ) More on this soon. Well, that is, if I have time to blog about it..haha

2. My Invisalign treatment ended this past Monday! Woo! After over a year, I'm happy to report that I like my teeth and look forward to getting them whitened soon too. Unfortunately, I'll always have to wear a retainer at night to bed but I can definitely handle that.

3. I've been dating someone seriously for a few months. I'm really happy and honestly haven't felt this comfortable with a guy in maybe forever. We feel like we've known each other for much longer and time always passes by too quickly when we are together. I haven't been able to stop smiling since we met. It's true what they say, everything around me does seem a little sweeter, a a little better somehow since he came into my life. Ok, I'm totally blushing now so I'll stop. : )

4. For about a month, I've been doing some online marketing for an up-and-coming pop singer, Marie Parie. However, this recently stopped has her finances were decided to be put elsewhere. Guess that's the music business for ya....

5. Along with getting an amazing iPhone a few weeks ago, I also finally caved and joined Twitter. Not sure if it's been that good for me personally but it's certainly a whole new world that I've now been to. Follow me: @LAnLA3

6. Last but certainly not least, I'm having some serious neighbor problems! And no, they don't know about my blog so I'm free to say anything I want about them on here! To make a really long story short, the woman who has the bedroom below mine has the most sensitive ears in the world and probably needs to seek treatment for it! Most nights that I'm home, I get an annoying text message from her telling me to walk softer and be quieter. Ok, first of all, I'm usually not talking or even playing my music loudly or even doing much of anything when I get these messages. I'm simply putting away laundry, blogging on my computer at my desk, walking into my adjoining bathroom and other random everyday things people do in their bedroom.

I've even made several changes because I feel bad for Ms. Sensitive Ears Downstairs. I don't wear shoes in my room, I try not doing much in there after 10pm and I even usually spend 1-2 nights not sleeping at my home. So, really, what is there to complain about? It's ridiculous and I'm so frustrated with her. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've apologized and apologized. Now, I'm just ignoring the texts but I certainly can't do that forever. I also can't walk on egg shells in my room forever either.... What would you do?

A Vampire in a Leather Jacket

This week's Mama Kat's writing prompt that I chose was "A boy you had crush on... Where is he now?"

Ok, first of all, who didn't I have a crush on? Seriously! I have been boy-crazy since those long ago Kindergarten days. I honestly can't even remember a year when I didn't have a crush on some boy in one of my classes or even just a boy that I admired from afar. There was always someone who caught my eye one way or another.

Sure, maybe I didn't always have the guts to talk to him but I'm pretty sure they were aware that I was interested. You probably couldn't help but notice my staring! During my shy years, sometimes the only exchange that I would even have with a boy would be at the school dances where I would awkwardly wait against one wall with all the other hopeful girls for a boy to ask her to slow dance.

My friends and I would spend hours and hours discussing which boys we liked and why. Then we would analyze every second we ever spent with them and what their actions and words had meant. No gesture would ever go unnoticed. It goes without saying we would endlessly talk about their amazing hair, how cute they looked when they grinned at us, their bright eyes, their cool clothes and most definitely how their last names would look after our first names. I filled up so many notebooks with scribblings of the last names of crushes I had. It's a good thing I never had that embarrassing moment of one of them seeing this.

Despite the countless crushes I've had in my lifetime, I of course will never forget my very first one. His name was Mark.... Oh crap, I don't remember his last name.... (Guess that means I can't stalk him on FACEBOOK! :( ) How can this be?! Oh, maybe it's because I liked him WAY BACK in 1991. I was in 1st grade and he was in 2nd grade. My family and I had just been evacuated from Somalia in East Africa so we were living in Tucson, Arizona for the rest of the school year. For why I was living in Africa, read this post: Background on Moi.

Anyway, back to my crush, Mark. From what I can remember, he had these amazing dark brown eyes and his soft wavy brown hair would fall over them sometimes. He was slightly taller than most other boys in 1st and 2nd grade combined so he totally had that going for him. However, the best thing about him that I can vividly remember was his black leather jacket that he wore every. single. day. Yes, I was smart even back then at age 6 and I knew that leather jackets were the epitome of cool and stylish. He was a "bad boy" at 7 years old and knew what the ladies wanted. Ha! During recess and lunch time, we would run around pretending to be vampires and victims. Mark was the strong vampire every time and all of us little 1st grade girls were his innocent victims. I was usually the last one to be caught. ; ) Even in 1991, the vampire phenomenon was apparent. "Twilight" didn't start that up.


So, where is Mark today? Who knows.... Like I said, I don't remember his last name so I sadly can't look him up on Facebook. Isn't it a shame that I can't specify a search on there with where he went to 2nd grade and what article of clothing did he love.. Or can I? Hmmm.. I might have to investigate this further if only to talk to him about his vampire fetish back then and to find out whatever happened to that awesome leather jacket. : ) I'll keep ya posted!

A Text Conversation

As I've mentioned once before on my blog I've joined an online dating website. Nothing too interesting and/or exciting has really happened since I joined it...until now. : )
This is a real text conversation that took place between me and a perspective boy from the dating website that I am on:

Me- Hey! This is L from dating website.
Boy-Hey L! how are you? What's your username?
Me-I'm good. How r u? Haha given your number out a lot, eh? It's .....
Boy- Hey you : )
Me-How's it going?
Boy- Wanna come over for a movie tonight? It's going good.
Me- Whoa, slow down there! Haha.. How about a date this week instead?
Boy- Hmmm ok. I thought you were into that kind of thing.
Me- Into what?
Boy- Like friends w benefits, no strings, hookups
Me- Where did you get that idea from?
Boy- We could get coffee then go back to my house. idk. So does that mean you're not into it?
Me- Nope. Sorry, that's definitely not what I'm about.
Boy- Ok. Cheers!
Me- Take care.
Boy- U too.

Can you believe this? What the hell is this guy doing on a dating website?! UGH! How are girls supposed to pick out these guys from the rest of them? His profile didn't warn me of any of this! In fact, it says that he is looking for short term and long term relationships. Plus, I really want to know what about me and/or my profile screams easy and willing to hook up?! Geesh! Nothing, that's what! It's experiences like these that make me not want to be on a dating website!

Is Cupid in LA?

I've been reluctant to talk about the following topic on my blog but I think it's finally time.

About 3 months ago I joined an online dating website called OkCupid. Yep, I am now officially one of those girls... It's 2011, right? Most girls I know have tried online dating at one point or another. I even have a couple close friends that have had serious success with it. I know of two couples that met online are madly in love today. So, I went on it rather hopeful.

It was time for me to meet some new guys and see what's out there. I know I live in one of the most populated cities on the planet but it is not easy to meet people here. I've asked all my friends here if they have any single guy friends but they keep telling me that their guy friends are not good enough for me. What kinds of guys are they friends with? Geesh! Alright, so, what's a girl to do? I don't do the whole bar dating scene so online seemed like the next best option.

What makes OKCupid different than other dating websites, well it's free for starters which means that absolutely anyone can join it. Anyone. Ugh! There are quite a lot of old and hairy men on there but among those are a few good lookin' fellas. But you have to dig and hunt for them.

I have gone out with a few guys so far and they have left a lot to be desired so I trudge on. First, there was the "Clingster Guy". From the very first date, he was planning our courtship and ultimate wedding already! Talk about a stage 5 clinger! Yeah, it was ridiculous! He was a nice guy overall but not the guy for me. Another guy was SAG-"Socially Awkward Guy". We had great chemistry and I was definitely attracted to him but not only was he socially awkward around other people aka my friends but he lacked the drive and passion that I'm looking for in a partner.

Despite this stream of missed connections, I'll continue with the search for Mr. Right...heck, I'll settle for Mr. Right Now!

Have you tried online dating?

Broken But Hopeful Hearts

A close friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend. They were together for over two years and it's literally torn her world a part. I wish so badly that I could stop her pain and give this boy a serious beating. But it's just not possible for me to do either of those things.

I've had many friends break up with their boyfriends before and they've leaned on me for support but never has it affected me like this. Of course I'm always angry at these guys and long to mend my friends' broken hearts.

Yet, this time feels different. Perhaps, it's because we are older and these couples aren't silly and cavalier anymore. They are serious, mature relationships where future plans are often discussed. My heart aches for this friend whenever we talk on the phone. There's a sadness in me that I haven't felt quite before. Unfortunately she does not live anywhere near me so we must communicate via phone only. I'm in the process of mailing her something special though.

What have I learned from all this? Well, it has really got me thinking of what exactly I want in my soul mate. Yep, I am currently single and dating. By the way, dating in LA is tough..more on that subject in another post. So, several months ago, I asked my friends what they wanted in their perfect man and women. These lists were kind of silly and pretty unrealistic and I didn't mention specifically what things I wanted in a guy so without further delay, here is my list:

• Someone who won't just text me.
• On that note, write me old fashioned love letters every once in a while!
• I'd like him to want to communicate with me everyday but not necessarily need to. Plus, some days all I need is a quick hello.
• Someone who won't play any games with me. I don't understand them and have no time for any of that nonsense.
• Plan some of the dates too. Don't leave it all up to me.
  
• Someone who will pay our dinner bills, at least in the beginning of our courtship. I'm all for splitting it later or even picking up the check entirely.
• Open doors, pull out chairs-you know, its called chivalry! Learn it! I think a lot of the guys of my generation have forgotten what this is all about.
• Dance. Ok, I understand that not all guys enjoy dancing but at least try a little for me.
  
• Remember things about myself that I tell you and then ask me about them later. I am constantly asking questions so I expect a similar respect from my partner.
• I will compliment you when I first see you, so please do the same for me.
• When we get fairly serious, ask me to meet your family.
• If you get the pleasure of meeting my friends, actively be interested in them and getting to know them better. My friends are my family so they better approve of you.
• While we are on the subject of friends, consider yourself lucky when you've gotten to meet a few of them.
• Again, after we've been together for awhile, ask me about my parents. If I care about you, I'll want to share things about them with you.
• Be passionate about things in your life.
  
• Can you simply woo me?!

I'm sure there are lots of other traits and characteristics that I look for in a guy but these are the things that have been on my mind lately.

If my friend doesn't get back together with this boyfriend, then I hope with all heart and soul that the next guy has all these qualities and much much more. She is definitely precious cargo. : )

Guys and Girls: Friends!?

I don't understand why it's so hard for guys to believe that girls and guys can be just friends. What's the deal? If you are guy reading this, please tell me do you feel this way? We are both human and not everyone is attracted to each other but still may get along great, thus, the makings for a perfect friendship. Right?

I have two amazing good guy friends and several others whom I adore and would never ever want to be in any other capacity than the friend zone with them. If they have to crash at my place, I'll let them sleep in my bed with me, I'd probably undress in front of them if it comes to that (not sure why), we can talk about anything and everything, etc...

So, what exactly got me on this topic? Well this afternoon a friend emailed the following and it got me thinking about the issue and thought I should take it to the blog. It's absolutely ridiculous to me that her friends didn't understand that a girl and a guy could just SLEEP in the same bed together and not get busy.

Ok, here's the back story: My friend let one of her GUY FRIENDS spend the night at her place so he didn't have to drive drunk the 30 miles home. How nice of her, right? The next morning, they were spotted leaving her home and some of the guys she worked with were giving her a hard time about it.

Here is their conversation:
Friend: We all know Gannaway stayed the night
Her: Yes, but nothing happened
Another Friend: So, you are telling us that you slept together and nothing happened?
Her: That is one thing that took me a while to get used to when I moved here. In AZ my girl and guy friends stayed the night at one another's places all the time and nobody ever assumed anything happened.
Another Friend: So are your guy friends gay?
Her: No
Friend: Were they ugly?
Her: No, they're actually relatively attractive
Friend: (looking perplexed): So they were just cool like that?
Her: (annoyed): Yeah
Another Friend: (still perplexed) I guess you are kind of chatty so maybe a guy could have something in common with you other than sex.

What do you think about all of this? Oh, this is weird, I just went to look for a picture for this post on Google images and I typed in "friendships" and all I got were a bunch of pictures of women! What's that about?! Apparently Google doesn't think that men and women can just be friends either.... : ( Guess this post just won't have a picture then....

To Text or not to Text?

According to Wikipedia, text messaging refers to the exchange of brief written messages between mobile and portable devices. It however doesn't describe just how massively popular texting has become in today's relationships. Without getting super personal, I will say that I have been known to text in a lot of my relationships. I've also been hearing many of my friends talk about all the texting going on with the guys they are dating and even their boyfriends. So, I decided to ask my friends what their thoughts were on texting in relationships. Like most topics, I see both sides of the argument and found it very interesting to hear the thoughts of my very smart friends. Below were the best responses I received on this heated debate:

• "Texting is a hinderance. Period. Guys have become too shy or awkward to talk on the telephone, everything is misconstrued, and it just causes drama. Moral of the story - adult conversations don't happen through text. So grow up and give me a call, or don't contact me at all. You have to cut off the texting, make up some excuse about how you've run over your plan so if he wants to talk to you he has to call... If a guy likes you, he's going to make that effort. Texting is lazy, and is for losers. Plus, he could be sending the same kinds of texts OR the exact same texts to other girls... Train them from the beginning, otherwise you'll never get rid of that behavior."

• "1) If you text me to ask for the first date, I will not go. Grow a pair of balls and call. 2) Never ever attempt sarcasm in a text message with the person you are dating, no good can come of it. 3) If you are angry or I am angry call. My boyfriend and I used to get in text message arguments that would last days. I have absolutely refused to do anything so idiotic again in my life. 4) Don't be clingy, texting me 10 times a day is just as bad as calling 10 times a day. The only acceptable reason to text 10 times is if I ask a question and you are replying. Most text message exchanges should go like this 1)Invite 2) Details (if I ask) 3) Time and if you are picking me up 4) Be there in 5 minutes 5) Here. Very rarely is there ever a need for more. I would say most girls wouldn't mind a 6th saying looking forward to seeing you but that is not necessary every time."

• "What has texting done for your relationships and in the general dating world? Texting has taken the chivalry from dating. It is the most effortless way to reach out to someone yet often the most relied upon. Texting should be used with people who are already familiar and in a relationship, for a means of letting them know you’re thinking of them or to confirm a meeting place or time. Sadly these days when just getting to know someone texting is often the only option offered, and extremely impersonal. It provides a wall of security for daters as a text does not take much effort, so if ignored it is not as big of a blow to the ego if ignored, versus say a phone call. But a text does not tell you anything about a person as they are just words."

• "Is this texting frenzy helping or hindering these guys you are dating? Hurting – you cannot get to know someone over a text. I used to never respond to a guy who texted first without calling, now I have a three text rule, I will allow three texts from him but after that if he doesn’t pick up the phone and call he’s out."

• "So, texting can be good and evil, like all forms of communication---you can actually use it to communicate or you can use it to mis-communicate. But some things make texting especially vexing: that it's written means you can't discern intonation and emotion easily. The character limit and the difficulty of phone-typing can make for messages that seem curt, hurried, even rude, or at least distant (on the opposite end, they can seem over the top affectionate, too, if they're filled with i love yous and shit). The fact that it beeps and arrives instantly makes it seem potentially aggressive. Because of the ease of texting i think it's often overused--keeping people overly connected, overly involved with each others lives than perhaps they would be were the relationship progressing at its "natural" pace, whatever that means. There's also little in the way of text etiquette, which means it's kind of a minefield, especially if two people disagree on the nature of texting. Is it to be considered more urgent than an email? Because it beeps, should i answer it right away? Or as soon as possible? When is it an acceptable substitute for/preferred method over phone or email? (and this becomes a complicated question for people who receive email on their phones). When is it ok to start texting someone regularly? Is it less or more intimate than emailing or phoning someone? And there are all the questions of content: how formal should i be in my language (particularly a question for blackberry and iphone and android etc users, for whom its easier to type)? Do i use emoticons and slang because that's texting norm, or is it immature? Aaaalllllll that said, i like texting, because i'm a quick typist, because texting is a nice medium between phones and emails in the early part of dating, and i really hate phone calls. texting eliminates the suspense of the phone call (ie, you dont know WHY he's calling and maybe need to have a lie/excuse/alternate plan/date idea/expression of enthusiasm/flirtatious line ready). It also substitutes for the dullest of phone calls (to plan where/when to meet, to say good morning or good night, to ask if someone's free tonight). I also especially like sexting. it's less intimate and demanding than either phone or cyber sex, and has fewer whorish/1-900/late night basic cable ad/pedophilic associations."

• "I think the popularity of texting is a sign of the crumbling of civilization! No commitment or risk in sending all these quickie messages. It's sad."

The Perfect Girl

Now it's time for the guys... I went around and asked my guy friends what qualities they want in their dream girl. They were certainly less vocal and continued to tell me that they couldn't just describe her to me and that unlike girls, they don't sit around thinking about their 'perfect girl'. Well, I'm sure about that, but it was seriously like pulling teeth to get any kind of an answer from these guys.. So, if you are currently reading this and a guy, please feel free to add more to this list!

Take a look at what I've compiled:

• Intelligent
• Kind
• Doesn't nag
• Let's him watch football whenever he wants to
• No drama
• Similar education, political and social views (Another guy said that he liked being with a girl with totally different views to gain another perspective on life)
• Opposites can attract
• Sense of humor
• Willing to accept him for who he is
• Spontaneous
• Gives good advise on life decisions
• World smart
• Intuitive
• Non smoker
• Neat
• Loves cereal
• Doesn't regret things

"Ultimately I want someone who you can pal around with and also be intimate with. Someone who can laugh at your jokes. It may sound cheesy, but someone who can be your best friend as well as your lover." - Not sure who said this but I love this quote that I found awhile ago and yes, it's from a guy.

My roommate Gina's dad had some very profound words to say on the idea of the perfect girl. He said "Don't look for immediate satisfaction. Think about what she'll look like 30 years from now."

My friend Ben said "There's nothing I can actually put into words, you just know it when you seen them. There's just something about 'em". That sounds simple enough, right? : )

The Bases....

Now I warn you, I talk about all things physical in this post so be prepared as I keep it super real. : )

"Hey boy, I really like being with you. Just hanging out is fun. So maybe we can go to... First base. Because I feel you. Second base, I want you to feel me too boy. Third base, better pump the brakes. Ooh baby, slow down. I gotta go home now."

Alicia Keys- "Teenage Love Affair"

Last week I went around asking my friends how they defined the 'bases'. You all know the ones I'm talking about... Well, you wouldn't think that this would be so interesting. I mean, originally, I thought that there was only one right answer, that they were all universal. Yet, I've learned this is not true at all. In fact, the answers vary regional, generational, socially and culturally. Of course, we can all agree what home base means.... In the words of a new friend Steve, "It's a home run no matter which team you're on."

Here are the best results that I received:

1st Base- Kissing

2nd Base- Touching

3rd Base- Both kissing and touching

(From a 60 year old)

1st Base- Making out

2nd Base- Clothes on/off with touching

3rd Base- Oral

1st Base- Just kissing--some tongue, but not complete making out (because I think of making out as having some touchy-feely-ness!)
2nd Base- Full-on making out, like on a couch or in a car or something
3rd Base- Making out with lots of touching...what we used to call petting. Maybe shirts off...

1st Base- Kissing

2nd Base- Any touching of one another, but no orgasms

3rd Base- Hand job, blow job, etc.

Home Run- Ya know ;)

I totally just made those up on the spot, but they make sense to me! I think some people say that 2nd is like over-the-shirt groping, but then that's too big of a jump to third, ya know? It's tricky... there should really be 5 bases!

1st Base- French kissing
2nd Base- Feeling boobs
3rd Base- Hand jobs, jobs of any kind, etc.
Home Run- Sex!!

1st Base- Kissing
2nd Base- Over the clothes feel up
Stealing 3rd Base- Finger/hand job
3rd Base- Oral Sex
Home Run- Sex
Foul Ball- Anal Sex :)

1st Base- Making out with over-the-clothes groping.
2nd Base- Making out with under-the-clothes groping/partial nudity
3rd Base- Hands and/or mouths on parts. (and the reason i say 'or' is because I've never particularly believed that oral sex always comes before old-fashioned sex, Bill and Monica notwithstanding.)
Home Run- Obvious.

So did you agree with these answers? Have you got other ones?

More on the Perfect Guy

Ironically, I just found this list in the latest Glamour and I absolutely adore it! I hope you do too! I really don't think I could ever ask for more than this.

• I want us to laugh our tails off.
• I want to be madly attracted to him.
• I want to feel we're living an anti-couch potato lifestyle.
• I want to feel safe and, yes, feminine in his arms.
• I want to feel like he gives my brain a workout.
• I want to feel secure and proud of him, socially and privately.
• I want to feel pretty, makeup optional.
• I want to feel heard and understood.
• I want to feel like he "gets" me.

The Perfect Guy

So, being a single gal means plenty of time to obsess over the perfect guy. Let's be honest, we all do it from time to time. Well, I decided to ask several of my favorite girls what traits they need most in their dream man.

Now I've finally created the ultimate list of essentials that the perfect guy must have based on all my friend's answers and what I want as well. What do you think of this list? Do you agree? Thanks ladies for all your emails and for letting me interview you in person. I think we all deserve each and every one of these qualities!

(In no particular order)

• Loving/Kindhearted (Loves his family and has a good relationship with them)
• Aim to Please (Mostly selfless)
• Chivalrous
• Intelligence (He can verbally spar with you and perhaps an expert in something)
• Confident (But not cocky)
• Sense of Humor (Sarcastic without being mean and obnoxious, Someone who can make us laugh everyday because looks fade and that's what we are going to be stuck with when we're 80! And a sense of humor that gels with mine and the ability to laugh at himself)
• Loyal/Faithful/Protective
• Honest/Sincere
• Creative/Artistic
• Grounded/Reliable
• Shared Values
• Passion for Life (Ambitious and action-oriented)
• Some musical ability (Or very interested in music)
• Physically Attractive (Nice proportional body and has a few muscles and he has got to be taller/bigger than me and has a great smile and good teeth)
• Sense of Adventure (Enjoys going to new places and trying new things but also doesn't mind an occasional night in)
• Independent (Has his own transportation, job, set of friends, his own hobbies and interests, etc)
• Never acts abusive towards women or loved ones (this is a no-brainer but I love that a friend thought of it)
• Likes/wants marriage/family
• Affectionate (Will show affection in front of other people (Gotta love holding hands but doesn't need to go overboard with PDA)
• Loves me for me (Another basic one but I just had to add it to the list)
• Laid back (He doesn't freak out about the small stuff and can roll with the punches)
• Healthy ( Enjoys a healthy lifestyle)
• Understanding/Supportive/Open (Able to see things from other people's views)
• Handy (Can fix things)
• Worldly (Can't deal with with a home grown boy whose wanted to live in the same town all his life)
• Sporty (Enjoys sports and maybe can play a sport well)

FYI- The most popular traits were sense of humor, supportive, passion for life, understanding and honest. The most unique trait someone said was that he had to be a Republican!

One friend thought this was a harder question than the rest and she told me something that I thought was so true and sweet-

"Ahhhh that is the question. To be honest. There are no characteristics. It's all feelings and connections. Having a list will ruin the perfect guy. Be open to love, every kind of love. It's not supposed to make sense or fit a mold or list."

Another friend gave me this great quote. I absolutely love it and think it's totally true. Find me a guy who can do both and I'll marry him!

"I want a guy that can have hot dogs and beer at the baseball game during the day...then wine and dine me and take me to the Met at night."

Another friend told me the following. I love this friend dearly and I hate that she has had to go through heartbreak. I would really like to kick that dude's ass! For that matter, i would like to kick a lot of guys asses out there that have wronged my friends! Well, what can u do but live it and learn from it.

"It's hard to remain hopeful that someone like this exists (who isn't already married or gay!) I'm becoming more and more skeptical and almost cynical. I never used to be cynical...but I guess that's what heartbreak and disillusion get you!"

Next up, I'm going to ask my guy friends the same question!! Wish me luck!