At 27....

Yes, I'm back again and this time, I'm re-joining Mama Kats Writers Workshop! Woo hoo! These are fun and I have honestly missed doing them every Thursday. This week's writing assignment: Prompt 1.) Last week we wrote about what we have never done… this week write a list of 22 things you HAVE done. (inspired by Sellabit Mom)

First I'll start with my list of 22 things I HAVE DONE:

I'm 27 years old and I have:
1. Run two Half-Marathons and 1 Full Marathon.
2. Been on a safari in Kenya.
3. Walked 60 miles in three days TWICE for Breast Cancer!
4. Discovered a new career calling.
5. Received countless bouquets of flowers from loving friends and family.
6. Tried speed dating and online dating.
7. Got hooked onto Bikram Yoga and Spinning Classes.
8. Swam in the Great Barrier Reef.
9. I have loved and lost.
10. I've attended 6 fabulous bachelorette parties.
11. Enjoyed countless weekend trips with friends.
12. Traveled to Germany, France and Hawaii all in the same year.
13. Visited several hospitals all over the US with Pin-Ups For Vets and handed out calendars to VETS.
14. Sung at a wedding! (My sister's and it was during the reception)
15. Endured two detoxes/cleanses and I will be doing another one next week.
16. Had brown, blond, black and red hair.
17. Ridden on a camel, an ostrich and an elephant.
18. Been on Oprah's Favorite Things show so I have been on TV too. : )
19. Chopped just about all of my hair off.
20. Gotten two tattoos and 8 piercings.
21. Regretted decisions but ultimately learned from them.
22. Lived in 6 different countries and 2 states.

Now for the things I HAVEN'T DONE!

At 27, I've yet to
1. Have my own professional photo shoot.
2. Go skiing or snowboarding.
3. Endure a cross-country road trip.
4. Be a bridesmaid.
5. Ever have mono. Whew!
6. Meet John Mayer or Beyonce. :(
7. Been on a cruise.
8. Break any bones.
9. Hold a real gun.
10. Call 911.
11. See a shooting star.
12. I've never liked tomatoes, mustard or coffee.
13. Bake bread from scratch.
14. I never had detention in school.
15. I've never wanted to be famous.
16. I've never not missed someone.
17. Ride a motorcycle.
18. Pick up a hitchhiker.
19. Taste caviar.
20. Go skydiving.
21. I've never been married or had a baby... yet.
22. I never thought that I would have a blog!

College Life in a 6 Word Memoir

This week's Mama Kat's Writing Prompt that I chose was to write a 6 Word Memoir about a significant time in your life.

The following 6 words come to my mind almost instantly when I think about my college life:

State-side, Independence, Roommate, Cooking, Laundry, Internet

1. State-side - I was living back in the states for the first time since first grade. Talk about experiencing intense culture shock!

2. Independence - Like most college freshman, for the first time in my life, I was living on my own without the watchful eyes of my parents on me. Yikes!

3. Roommate - This was a completely new world. Thankfully, my randomly selected Freshman roommate and I ended up becoming fast and lifelong friends.

4. Cooking - I had never really cooked anything before in my life. This was a fun and challenging new world.

5. Laundry - I had also never done my own laundry before. Thank goodness for the instructions on the back of the detergent bottles! I know, I was incredibly spoiled growing up!

6. Internet - This may sound funny but I had never really used the Internet before going to college and hadn't sent too many emails out either. I don't know what I would have done without being able to email my parents and friends back overseas.

A Vampire in a Leather Jacket

This week's Mama Kat's writing prompt that I chose was "A boy you had crush on... Where is he now?"

Ok, first of all, who didn't I have a crush on? Seriously! I have been boy-crazy since those long ago Kindergarten days. I honestly can't even remember a year when I didn't have a crush on some boy in one of my classes or even just a boy that I admired from afar. There was always someone who caught my eye one way or another.

Sure, maybe I didn't always have the guts to talk to him but I'm pretty sure they were aware that I was interested. You probably couldn't help but notice my staring! During my shy years, sometimes the only exchange that I would even have with a boy would be at the school dances where I would awkwardly wait against one wall with all the other hopeful girls for a boy to ask her to slow dance.

My friends and I would spend hours and hours discussing which boys we liked and why. Then we would analyze every second we ever spent with them and what their actions and words had meant. No gesture would ever go unnoticed. It goes without saying we would endlessly talk about their amazing hair, how cute they looked when they grinned at us, their bright eyes, their cool clothes and most definitely how their last names would look after our first names. I filled up so many notebooks with scribblings of the last names of crushes I had. It's a good thing I never had that embarrassing moment of one of them seeing this.

Despite the countless crushes I've had in my lifetime, I of course will never forget my very first one. His name was Mark.... Oh crap, I don't remember his last name.... (Guess that means I can't stalk him on FACEBOOK! :( ) How can this be?! Oh, maybe it's because I liked him WAY BACK in 1991. I was in 1st grade and he was in 2nd grade. My family and I had just been evacuated from Somalia in East Africa so we were living in Tucson, Arizona for the rest of the school year. For why I was living in Africa, read this post: Background on Moi.

Anyway, back to my crush, Mark. From what I can remember, he had these amazing dark brown eyes and his soft wavy brown hair would fall over them sometimes. He was slightly taller than most other boys in 1st and 2nd grade combined so he totally had that going for him. However, the best thing about him that I can vividly remember was his black leather jacket that he wore every. single. day. Yes, I was smart even back then at age 6 and I knew that leather jackets were the epitome of cool and stylish. He was a "bad boy" at 7 years old and knew what the ladies wanted. Ha! During recess and lunch time, we would run around pretending to be vampires and victims. Mark was the strong vampire every time and all of us little 1st grade girls were his innocent victims. I was usually the last one to be caught. ; ) Even in 1991, the vampire phenomenon was apparent. "Twilight" didn't start that up.


So, where is Mark today? Who knows.... Like I said, I don't remember his last name so I sadly can't look him up on Facebook. Isn't it a shame that I can't specify a search on there with where he went to 2nd grade and what article of clothing did he love.. Or can I? Hmmm.. I might have to investigate this further if only to talk to him about his vampire fetish back then and to find out whatever happened to that awesome leather jacket. : ) I'll keep ya posted!

The Call I'll Never Forget

"She got the call today. One out of the gray. And when the smoke cleared it took her breath away. She said she didn't believe this could happen to me. Guess we're all one phone call from our knees". -Mat Kearney

This week's Mama Kat's writing prompt that I chose was "A phone call you won't forget".

"Wait, what?! You want me to call her and tell her?! I...How? I can't do this....Tell her?.. Oh my God." This is what I said to the director of my parents school when he asked me to call my sister and tell her the devastating news that our parents had died but the cause of death was unknown. How the f**k was I going to do that? I didn't even understand it myself, how could I possibly explain it to her?

It was a Sunday night or rather 2AM on Monday morning. I just had a very fun and exciting first weekend living in Phoenix, Arizona. Two close college girlfriends had driven down from Tucson, to spend the weekend with me. Two long nights out in the Phoenix club scene ensued. Coupled with plenty of cocktails and not enough sleep, I was exhausted and ready for Monday. I had an exciting job interview at 10AM and was psyched to begin my new Phoenix adventure. Having just graduated from college, I felt more than ready to start this new chapter of my life. Little did I know that that very same weekend across the world in North Africa, my parents had died. It's an intense sentence. I still can't believe the words that come out of my mouth.

When the phone rang that awful night, I'll never forget the awful sinking feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. When I looked at my phone light up, I instantly knew it was an overseas call and I had a feeling it was from Tunisia, where my parents were living at the time. I quickly answered the call that was to be my worst nightmare. It was Patrick, the director of my parents school in Tunis. He proceeded to very calmly and rationally tell me that my parents had just been found in their home and they were "gone". Yes, "gone" was his word of choice.

Needless to say, I don't really remember much else about this conversation. All I knew is that he had my sister's wrong number so I was given the nearly impossible responsibility of breaking the news to her.

I had to call her.

My world was quickly plummeting to the ground. Now I had to be the one to change my sister, Tonya's world forever too.

After I hung up the phone, I mentally prepared myself to call Tonya. But I didn't want to be alone...ever again. I frantically picked up a Kleenex box off my kitchen table, my cell phone, a pad of paper, a pen and my keys. I walked out the door of my apartment building to my friend Tracy and Lindsey's apartment which was thankfully just down the hallway. Tracy was and still is my dear friend and I needed her at that moment. I'm not sure how I got there but I finally did. I banged on their front door. They answered it together and I'm sure they could tell by my flushed cheeks and disheveled appearance that something was very wrong. "My parents are gone.. I can't do this... What am I going to do now? They think my parents are dead," I managed to blubber out. The girls instantly started crying and asking me questions I didn't have the answers to yet. "I have to call Tonya and Todd now." Tracy asked if I wanted her to call them for me. I said no, I had to be the one to do it.

So, the three of us sat together on their living room couch, with me in the middle with their arms wrapped around me. I slowly breathed in and out a few times and thought of Tonya asleep in bed next to her husband of only three short months still happy and content in that world where I was too up until 20 minutes ago. I hated having to grab her from that wonderful world. But I had to.

There was certainly a part of me that couldn't handle being alone with this information any longer. I needed her. I needed my sister.

I dialed Tonya's number. She didn't answer. I called her husband Todd's cell phone. He answered. "Hi Todd. I'm sorry it's so late." He said, "That's OK Leah. What's wrong?" "Todd, I don't know how to say this... Something has happened. I need you and Tonya to both listen to me." I took a deep breath and fought back the tears. I took Tracy's hand with my free hand and held on tightly. "Mom and Dad have died. The director of their school just called me. They don't know anything..." I could hear the tears forming in Tonya and Todd's voices. I felt a small sense of relief. It was done, they knew. I wasn't alone anymore. I told them to call Patrick. He was expecting their call and would try answering their questions. Tonya said that she would call me back with more information. Before hanging up, she asked me to stay with Tracy and that she loved me very much. We were both hoping this wasn't true and that a massive misunderstanding had just happened. All I knew is that she would call Tunis and figure everything out. Our questions would soon be answered, at least some of them.

Hearing the news that my parents had died will always remain the worst moment of my life, but definitely the hardest thing that I've ever had to do was making that phone call and sharing this news with my sister and brother in-law. I hope she feels like I did as good of a job as anyone could do under the circumstances. I sometimes wonder if she would have rather heard it from someone else. I worry that whenever I call her, she is nervous that I'm calling to give her bad news. Would I have preferred to have heard this from her? I'm not really sure. A sad phone call is a sad phone call no matter who does the calling. If anything I wish that I could have somehow spared Tonya this new world without our parents just as she wishes she could have spared me from it.

13 Different Houses Built Me

This week's Mama Kat's writing prompt that I chose to write about is: The house that built me.

Before moving to Arizona for college I lived in roughly 13 houses in 7 different countries!

To most people, this sounds totally crazy, but not to me. I can't imagine my life any other way. It's literally impossible for me to imagine growing up in one house my whole life. That just wasn't how I was raised. Somehow I got used to moving. It was fairly normal for us to move to a different house that had better electricity, better plumbing, less cockroaches, and really less problems in general. In the last country I lived in, Myanmar, we moved a whopping 4 times in my 6 years there.

I always knew in the back of my mind that my parents teaching contracts in these countries wouldn't last forever and I was prepared to make the move. It was simply part of this life. Of course, saying goodbye to my friends was always difficult and dramatic but we promised to keep in touch. It is because of this that I'm good at staying connected to my friends now. Facebook and email definitely make that a whole lot easier. I still do enjoy snail mail though. My parents would always make promises of a new and exciting country, a great new school to attend and a brand new batch of neat friends to make. Of course, this would all came true. : )

So, honestly, I didn't have ONE house that built me but many houses throughout my childhood that helped shape the person I am today. I remember bits and pieces from just about all the 13 houses. Oh wow, I just had an epiphany mid-post, I think the reason that I like moving the furniture around in my bedroom so much is because of this nomadic lifestyle that I had growing up. Does that make sense? When I move the furniture around, it becomes a whole new room. How interesting that I just now figured this out....

These houses really did build me.

She Taught Me How to Love

This week's Mama Kat's Writers Workshop writing prompt that I chose was 2) 10 Things my mother taught me.

My mom and I were extremely close. Sometimes I have trouble breathing because I miss her so much. She and my father were taken too soon from this life and I certainly was not finished learning from either of them. Well, are we ever really finished learning from our parents?

Back on my mom's birthday in November, I wrote the following piece and I think it fits perfectly with this week's writing assignment. There may not be 10 exact things that my mother taught me but honestly, I wouldn't be able to pick just 10 things she taught me.


Today would have been my mom's 62nd birthday. My mom, Kathi, was my favorite person in the whole world. If you have been reading my blog for awhile, then I'm sure you know that I talk about her a lot. For those new followers, let me just tell you that my mom was my best friend. It's incredibly difficult going through life without her and I honestly don't know how I've gotten this far without my mom.

I know a lot of daughters don't feel this way about their moms so I know that my relationship with my mom was rare. I wish that I had really sat her down and told her how much that meant to me. For some reason, we didn't have too many serious conversations. I still would like to think that she knew how I felt. I could tell her anything. Seriously, anything. She never judged and never criticized. She just got it. I always felt comfortable divulging intimate details about my personal life to her, well, of course not e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

I've been keeping a journal since my parents died. Lately, I haven't really been writing in it like I should. Well, the week they died, my sister and I made two lists of things that made us think of our mom and dad.

Here is what was on our mom's list: bubble baths, The Temptations, anything easy listening, Twizzlers, scrapbooking, Singapore Slips, beach novels that she would never remember reading but really did, trips to a Tucson, AZ salon(Gadabout), Monopoly (she collected different editions from all over the world), daily trivia, stencil letters, awful singing but she still had fun, Christmas ornaments (we had one from every country we had ever been to on our Christmas tree), she wanted to be a translator for the UN, colorful and sometimes cheap jewelry, diet cherry coke, her amazing chocolate chip cookies, party mix, the best lasagna ever, getting sucked into any and every TV show that I made her watch with me, hugs, painful goodbyes always made her cry, Clementine(a stuffed monkey from Build a Bear), wandering in grocery stores and Target forever, magazines, comfort food, very smart, held hands during takeoff, loved children, reading aloud, movies, teaching stores, colorful pens, surprise presents, happy tears, big red apples, nose kisses, she dyed her hair since I can remember, always willing to do anything to help someone out and she has the power to make you feel like everything was going to be ok. Of course, there's so much more, but that's my list so far.

❤ Above everything else, I learned how to love from my mom. ❤

Speechless

This week's Mama Kat's Writing Assignment that I chose was 1.) Write about a time a friend left you speechless.

It was the first year anniversary of my parents death. Looking back on the day now I can't even remember exactly what I did. It's all a blur to me. For some reason I wasn't with my sister. Thankfully, we now promise to always try to be together on this date but this October 15th, we were not.

All I remember about the day was getting a call from the office of my apartment building letting me know that there was a package waiting for me downstairs in the mail room. I was shocked. I wasn't expecting anything. I quickly went to retrieve it and rushed back up to apartment to open it.

It was a large square heavy box with no return address but my address had been handwritten and I could definitely recognize the handwriting. It was from my friend Tracy. I slowly opened it and could immediately tell that it was some kind of a scrapbook. It had a beautiful butterfly on the cover and if you know me at all, then you'll know that I love butterflies. As I began turning the pages, I realized that not only was it from Tracy but several of my other close girl friends too.


They had all contributed a page or two to this beautiful scrapbook. Each page was full of pictures of my friends and I together, collages of magazine cutouts of things they knew I liked, thoughtful poems and friendship quotes and sweet letters. So many memories of these cherished friendships filled this scrapbook.



Tears formed in my eyes as I scanned the pages and began reading the letters tucked into the clear covers around each page. I was left utterly speechless. No one had ever done something so incredibly kind for me in my life and I didn't know what to say. It had been such a hard day for me and knowing that I would have to endure many more year anniversaries of my parents deaths felt impossible. Just as I was feeling my lowest and most alone in the world, this heartfelt gift arrived and I suddenly didn't feel so alone anymore.

Bye Bye Birdie

It's been awhile so I thought that I would enter Mama Kat's Writing Workshop this week. The prompt that I chose was "describe a time when someone was proud of you".

Of course my parents were proud of me a lot but one time in particular that stands out in my mind was when I was one of the leads in a production of "Bye Bye Birdie" in 10th grade. We were living in Yangon, Myanmar at the time. For a recap of why I was overseas for school, check out this post.

Anyway, I played Rosie, Albert's Spanish singing secretary girlfriend. It was definitely a lot of work! There were daily intense rehearsals that seemed to last forever, lots of dance practices, singing lessons, many lines to memorize, dress fittings and a lot more.

The summer before my 10th grade year, back in the states my mom and I rented the movie version of "Bye Bye Birdie". We watched it together in her bedroom and she said that she could totally picture me playing Rosie and really hoped that I would get that part. When I came home from auditions and told her that I did indeed land the role of Rosie she was ecstatic, she smiled and gave me a big hug. My dad was over the moon too. From that day on, my parents bragged to anyone that would listen that their daughter was playing Rosie in "Bye Bye Birdie". They were incredibly supportive of me throughout the entire process.

On the night of the first performance, my parents walked into my room while I was getting ready to head to school, with a large bouquet of flowers in their hands. They were so proud of me and I hadn't even done the show yet. I'll never forget that moment in my room for as long as I live. My mom was teary eyed even. I promised myself right then that I would do the best possible job that night and the next night up on stage playing Rosie.

Well, the show went off without a hitch. My parents were sitting in the front and center row and throughout the show, I continued to look at their radiant faces. It definitely got me to keep up my energy on stage. There are a million pictures from the show but sadly they are all in my high school scrapbook which is currently in Arizona so I don't have any of those for you to see. All I have is this one that I took a picture of. It was taken right after the show was over.
My parents were always telling me how proud they were of me. After every accomplishment, big or small, they let me know how proud they were. That's all I ever wanted, that's all I do want now, I just want to make them proud of me. I was so proud of the both of them.

Circle of Friends..errr Life

This week's Mama Kat's Writing Assignment is write a post inspired by one of the words given. I chose the words 'bold' and 'angsty'.

Ok, so why do certain people come into our lives, and then poof, just like that, they are gone?!

I have this belief that every person that we meet in our lives usually fills some kind of role in the bigger picture of our lives. Finding that role can be tricky and sometimes downright impossible. It's nice thinking that every person is helping us along our journey through life. We are all helping each other. Right? I certainly want to believe that I can be instrumental in someone's life somehow. Don't we all want to be useful? Perhaps 'useful' isn't the right word. I hope you understand what I mean... This is turning out to be a very difficult post to write.

I met someone early last week and today, about a week later, they are entirely out of my life. I think it's kind of sad. I mean, what purpose did he fill in my life? Nothing at all? I don't know... I've been trying to figure out what having him in my life for a brief 8 days taught me...

Is it simply the circle of friends or rather the circle of life?

Yesterday in the same 2 minutes, this same person de-friended me on Facebook and a new person friended me. So if it was such a short lived friendship, why on earth am I slightly pissed that this person de-friended me? Honestly, I think it's such a bold and angsty move for anyone to make on Facebook. There is no hiding de-friending someone. It's obvious and apparent how you feel about that person.

Remember my previous post Confessions? I have this strange need for everyone to like me. It's really hard for me to accept when I know that someone doesn't like me. I want to know why and what I can do to make it better immediately. That's why this bold de-friending move really hit me so hard. Why go so far as to de-friend me? Do you really not want to see my status updates, picture uploads and just my general activity on Facebook anymore? Ugh.....Whatever. I know that I just need to forget about it and move on. I have enough incredible people in life that want to be my Facebook friend! So there!

Reliving a Moment

This week's Mama Kat's Workshop writing prompt that I chose to answer was #5. - "If you could relive any moment in your life, what moment would you choose? Write about it."

Well, honestly there are few moments that I wish I could go back to and alter the outcomes but the one that stands out the most in my mind right now would be going back to college. And no, not to party less! : )

I wish that I could go back to that very first day of Freshman orientation and instead of choosing "Undecided" as my major, I wish that I had picked "Music Management". Instead, it took me 3 years to finally decide on that major. I tried 5 different majors in college: Undecided, Communications, French, Elementary Education and finally Music Management.

I wish that I had known from the very beginning that I wanted to work in the music industry. It would have saved me years of stress and ultimately in the long-run, I believe that it would have sped up my career into this tough industry. But no, I messed around for 2 and a half years switching majors and being undecided for so long. I truly think that if I had known what my dream job was at that time, I would have started the process. I would have tried moving to Los Angeles during the summers and interning at record labels. Gosh, now that I think about it, I could have started interning in high school even! Wow! All that experience would have been amazing! All that precious time was wasted because I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life yet. Yes, of course, that's what an 18-22 year old does but why couldn't I have figured it out a little sooner?!

In college I was always jealous of all those people that knew right away what they wanted to do and were well on their way to that profession. I didn't understand how you could start your freshman year of college already knowing that you wanted to be a journalist, a nutritionist, an English teacher or even an opera singer. I had a lot of interests and hobbies. How are you supposed to pick just one thing and base your entire college experience on it?

I do know that what is really important now is that I did indeed graduate and am working hard now to get into the music industry. It's still fun to think about how different my life might be today if I had known all along what I wanted to do with my life.

When Private Goes Public

This week's Mama Kat's Writing Assignment that I chose to write about is Why are you burned out?

How personal is too personal for a blog? Where is that invisible line that shows us when we've divulged too much information? What exactly is off limits? Should our blogs be solely about our own lives or can we talk about other people? Our friends, our families and our co-workers? Do we have to ask permission from these people in our lives? Don't we have to care how other people are going to be affected by what we discuss on our blogs? And what about free speech? Is that really all that this is about?

Since starting my blog back in January, I have struggled with all of these questions. I think I have done my best to make sure that I am never revealing too much about anyone other than myself. I've made sure that each posting that talks about my friends or family is kind-hearted and doesn't rub anyone the wrong way. Most importantly, I have vowed to never paint anyone in a negative light on my blog. Simply put, this blog about ME and my life. Sure, there have been some rough days where I wanted to talk about how mad I was at this person or how annoying this other person was being. However, I stopped myself from going through with it. I knew those words could have potentially been hurtful to those people.
On 3 separate occasions, my roommate has asked me to remove a line or two from a post because she thought it revealed too much about our home address. She is particularly careful about stuff like that. Despite the fact that sometimes I disagree with her, I still immediately delete those sentences she was unhappy with. This was not a problem at all for me. I would NEVER put my blog before the people in my life. Sorry to say but my blog will never take priority in my life.

Another issue to deal with is the fact that many of my close friends and family read this blog. How awful would one of them feel if they had to read on my blog how I felt about them. Personally, I would hate that. Not only is it TMI but it's also none of the blogging communities business. Am I right? Putting something like the inner-workings or the problems in your relationships for all the world to see just seems so detached and juvenile. Why not reach out to that person instead and work it out between the two of you face to face? There is definitely no need to publically slander them or your relationship with them.

Perhaps it comes down to why we all started our personal blogs in the first place. We are sharing makeup tips, college help, mothering advice, daily humorous anecdotes, diet tips, amazing shopping finds or in my case my adventures here in LA. I know for certain that we have all struggled to find the perfect balance of too much information and just enough to interest our readers. When too much information starts to hurt and really negatively affect other people, it's just not worth it.

I'm burnt out from all this.

Something that recently struck me is how we take for granted people's wishes when it comes to our blogs. Everything SHOULD NOT be up for grabs. If I tell you not to disclose something and you do it anyway, knowing full well I'm not going to be happy, what does this say about you? It's a complete lack of respect and a full dismissal of someone's feelings. Why do that? Sure, you may feel strongly about something but this does not give you the right to publicize it. There are other ways.

When did our blogs become our platform to tell the world how we feel about each other? We need to step down from our soapboxes and really understand how our actions or in this case, our words, affect other people. We should remember that a blog is public knowledge on the internet. I really think we all need to be more self-aware and sensitive to other people's feelings. It's time to put our egos aside and truly focus on what's important and good in the world instead of putting others down.

So, if you ever see something on my blog that makes you feel embarrassed, hurt or angry, please tell me. I'll respect you enough to remove it. Free speech means nothing when you are hurting people you care about.

Alright, I'll stop this long-winded rant but I really do believe all this and felt that I needed to get it off my chest. In the end, blogging is all about sharing our lives with friends, family and our new blogging world. With this comes the moral responsibility to be cautious and aware of how we express ourselves. I think that this balance can most definitely be achieved.

Here's to more future self-aware bloggers out there.

My Confessions

This week's Mama Kat's Writing Assignment that I chose was prompt #2 "What are your confessions?"

Whew, here we go:

• I confess that I'm not as strong as most people think I am. Deep down, I feel weak and less sure of myself then perhaps I come across. I suppose I feel like I don't have a choice-it's either be the way I am or completely fall apart. Falling apart just doesn't sound like a viable option.
  

• I confess that I'm absolutely terrified of letting my parents, my sister and my friends down every single day.
  

• I confess that I don't think I've ever really been in love before. As a 26 year old this makes me very sad but hopeful at the same time.

• I confess that I expect a lot from people.
  

• I confess that some days I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. It's safe, warm and nothing bad can happen. I can dream of happier times.
  

• I confess that I still constantly worry about everything like I did when I was younger. I haven't grown out of that stage quite yet. Something tells me I never will.
  

• I confess that I truly just want to be liked by everyone. I can't stand knowing that someone doesn't like me or is mad at me for some reason. I know that's impossible for everyone to like me, but why not?
  

• I confess that lately I enjoy spending more time alone. Wonder what that means?

• I confess that I still really don't like running but I know that it's good for me so I keep doing it everyday. Let's call it my self-inflicted torture.
  

• I confess that sometimes, I still really just want to be a singer. Living in LA is kind of woken that dream up in me.
  

• I confess that since my parents died, I've thought about never getting married.

• I've also considered never having children because they aren't here for it.

• I confess that I know I'm going to do amazing things for the music industry, if only someone would give be a chance to show that.

• I confess that I never ever would have guessed that I would have enjoyed blogging as much as I do now. : )

So, what are your confessions?

Last Year's Halloween

For this week's Mama Kat's Writing Workshop, I selected to answer prompt #4.) "Link up and show us something you've created for Halloween, anything qualifies...costumes, recipes, crafts,
party invites, treats, decorations etc."

So, here I am last year as the infamous LADY GAGA with my friend Dave who was friendly lion.

I am particularly proud of that costume. It was the first time in awhile that I didn't just go and buy an already pre-made outfit. Yep, I actually went out and bought all the separate pieces and made the outift work altogether myself.

I also loved the disco stick that I made. All I used to make it was a LED flashlight, a ton of rhinestones and two clear plastic cups. Super simple. Gotta love glue guns! : )

A Learning Disability?!

This week's Mama Kat's writing assignment that I chose is 1.) In what way were you labeled as a child and how did it affect you?

There's no denying it, I am terrible at math. I always have been and I'm sure that I always will be.

There was a time when my parents and teachers didn't understand why I was so awful with numbers. They simply refused to admit that I just wasn't going to grow up to be the next math wizard. Sadly, I was one of those kids who couldn't add or subtract without using my fingers and toes for help. Then, when multiplication was dropped in my lap, it was an even rougher battle. I remember walking around my house chanting out the 6, 7, 8, 9 times tables and it still not sticking in my head. My mom would call out, "One more lap around the house Leah until you know them by heart!" It was torture! And then we got to ugly, ugly division... forget about that! I was a lost cause indeed.

Finally in 7th grade, my teacher asked my parents if I could be tested to see what was really wrong with my skills. My teacher wanted to know what was the root of my problems. I actually overheard this conversation and it tore me a apart. My mom never knew that. I think they all thought I had some kind of a learning disability. The phrase 'learning disability' sounded awful to me and for some reason, it made me think I was dumb. It also made me feel weak and less smart than all my friends. For one a girl who already wore huge glasses and in middle school, that is the worst feeling ever.

So at the time, my dad was kind of obsessed with student learning styles. For example; should you be studying in plenty of light or a dim room, studying in a cold or a hot room, seeing materials as opposed to hearing it explained. Anyway, my dad thought that I should be given all these tests too to see if I've just been studying and working in the wrong environment for my needs. Turns out, not so much. We did learn that I can't just have things told to me, I need to visually see things. I also can't have music or anything else playing in the background when I'm studying. Honestly, though, I knew all this before those tests.

After several weeks of numerous other tests, they finally concluded that basically numbers in general terrify me. Um, I could have certainly told them that without all those lame and scary tests. Ugh, I hated those things. Just knowing that they were 'tests' was enough to freak me out and not perform well on them. The tests also showed that I needed more time than most to complete math tests. I also made sure that my teacher understood that getting up in front of the class to answer math problems on the front board was absolute torture and if I could be excused from that hell from now on. Thankfully, she took mercy on me and I never had to get in front of my math class again. I was also given a little extra time to finish math tests which I was grateful for.

So, I might not have been exactly labeled with a learning disability but just the possibility that everyone thought that I might have one was enough to make me realize that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Just don't ever ask me to calculate anything for you without my trusty calculator/an hour of your time. : )

He was wrong!

Here we are again with another one of Mama Kat's interesting Writing Assignments. Here is this week's: But teachers know everything!! Write about a time a teacher disappointed you.

I had a hard time with this one. I've been lucky enough to never have truly been disappointed by a teacher. However, I recently heard the following from a friend and thought it would fit perfectly with this assignment.

Her teacher was absolutely wrong and needed to be corrected.

My friend was sitting in her 9th grade AP English class where they were discussing the horrific events of the Holocaust and specifically the Jew's living quarters at the time. The teacher of the class boldly stated that the "Jews lived in the Ghettos because they thought they were better than everyone else." My friend was instantly shocked and outraged but couldn't find the words at that moment to call the teacher out on this completely false statement. So instead she let it go and vowed to speak up the next day in class.

And she did just that.

She politely raised her hand and told the teacher and the rest of the class that actually, the Jews were FORCED to live in the Ghettos. The teacher was 100% wrong when he told them that they thought they were better than everyone else. He immediately apologized for saying that and promised to tell his other AP English classes the correct information.

At the end of that school year, that teacher ended up giving my friend the AP English Student of The Year. He told her it wasn't because she was smarter than everyone else or got better grades than everyone else, it was because she stood up for something she believed in and wasn't afraid to correct a teacher.

I think that they both deserve gold stars. My friend, of course, for being brave enough to tell the teacher he was wrong. And one for the teacher too for admitting he was wrong right away. Most people have a lot of trouble with that.

Remembering Kate

This week's Mama Kat's Writing Assignment was: "In the book I'm reading, Girls of Tender Age,the main character is deeply affected by the murder of a childhood friend. Describe a tragedy you didn't expect to be as deeply affected by as you are."

My friend, Kate, died about two years ago and it hit me harder then I ever thought possible. I guess I just assumed that after losing both my parents, hearing of a friend's death wouldn't be as hard to handle.

I was wrong.

Kate and I went to the same middle school in Myanmar. She was only there for two years with me and then moved back to her home, Australia.

Kate was 24. I won't go into the details of what happened to her but it was accidental. She had her whole life ahead of her. It breaks my heart to think that she never got to become someone's wife, have children, be a part of her sister's and brother's families, travel more, have an amazing career and just simply live a wonderful and full life.

I had just seen Kate a month before she passed away while I was vacationing in Australia with a college friend. She was living in Melbourne at the time and I just so happened to be staying with a friend in her same neighborhood! What are the chances of that happening?! I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I was to be able to have that opportunity to see her again. Before this trip, I hadn't seen her in about 10 years! I can't help but believe that I was meant to go there. I was meant to see her again.

Her profile wall on facebook is always full of new comments of friends simply stopping by to say hello and say how much they miss her. Her birthday was just on Monday so I've been thinking about her more than usual this week. She would have been 26, just like me. It's hard to imagine anyone I care about dieing, but someone my age, that hits even deeper.

She was a beautiful, kind and fearless woman and I am proud to have been a part of her life, even for just a short time.

RIP Kate. I hope you have said hello to my parents.

Why Blog?

Here's this week's Mama Kat Writing Assignment:

3.) Write about what blogging means to you. Why do you blog? What purpose does it serve you and how have you benefited from sharing a piece of yourself online this way?

Well, quite simply, I blog because it's the perfect release for me. Blogging is also a neat way of getting my thoughts organized and maybe even figure out a few things too. It's almost like therapy. Guess my followers are like my shrinks so please continue to be honest and kind. : ) Thanks for helping me get through life's many ups and downs.

I've certainly gotten some very good advice from blogging and I have learned some interesting new things about my friends. I'm also friends now with a few new people because of our blogs. I especially love this.

Honestly, I never knew that such a blogging world exists. I never knew there were actually whole conventions devoted to blogging and all they do is talk about each other blogs and exchange ideas on how to promote their blogs. I would attend one of those if I felt the need to grow but I'm happy with my 20 something followers. I know you all and you all know me so its a happy little blogging family. : )

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would enjoy writing about my life for all to read on their computers.

Dear Destiny's Child....

Thanks Mama Kat for yet another interesting writers workshop. Today's is: Write an open letter to a celebrity. So I cheated a little and didn't write to one celebrity but three instead; the three ladies of Destiny's Child, that is. Enjoy but be warned, I might come across as a little obsessed with them! : )


Dear Destiny's Child,

I have adored you ladies since the very early days of Destiny's Child. I was definitely one of those girls with Destiny's Child posters all over my room. They literally covered the walls of my bedroom. Every Summer back in the states, I would get a new poster to add to my collection. I remember my favorite one of you three was taped right above my bed and it was the last thing I looked at most nights. Ha! I think at one point I actually wanted to be your fourth member. When there was all that drama with she who shall remain nameless, I thought, "Hey, invite me to join! I promise I will be drama-free and work hard!" Yes, I certainly thought Beyoncé, Kelly, Michelle and Leah had a nice ring to it.... : )

Despite being a little too young to understand most of what you ladies sang about, I still loved the music and sang right along to the all of your CDs. I listened to "The Writings on the Wall" so much that I had to throw it away eventually because it was so scratched. I have all the songs on my iPod now but a couple got transferred over scratched. Guess that just proves my love for that album. Then came "Survivor", another pivotal album in my high school life. It definitely has a much more playful feel to it. "Destiny Fullfilled" and "#1's" were two amazing albums as well. I know absolutely every song and every time I hear any of these albums, I am immediately transported back to those glorious days. Of course, who could forget about your wonderful Christmas album, "8 Days of Christmas"? I love this CD and the holidays aren't complete for me until I play this album a few times.

I have memories attached to most every song on your albums. "Bills, Bills, Bills" was your first song that I saw a music video to and I instantly fell in love with your group's combined style and overall sound. "Jumpin' Jumpin" reminds me of every high school dance. "Say My Name" will always be one of my favorite songs of all time. Two of my best friends and I sang it all the time and enjoyed attempting to harmonize along with it. "Happy Face" reminds me of being in the back seat of my car and listening to it on a cassette tape. I almost sang "Emotion" at a talent show with two girls but we chickened out at the last minute because we really didn't practice enough. "Independent Women" was just an incredible song and I got seriously joyful every time I heard it.

So, this brings us up to date with the current state of things: there are no albums in sight and this makes me very sad/angry. I understand that you three have gone off and done your own thing for the past few years. Beyoncé, girl, you know I love what you are doing and I absolutely have a big crush on you but come on, get the group back together! Kelly, you are hard at work in the music biz too and I have kept up with your stuff. Michelle, I'm not into gospel music but I see you doing your thing as well. But ladies, seriously, it's time to write some new songs, get in the studio, and record that material. I am sure there are millions of girls just like me all over the world hoping for the same thing. It's time to come together once again and create your amazing music. I need me some DC love already!!

Yours faithfully,
Leah

Hot Air Balloons!

Today I'm entering Mama Kat's Photo Of The Week Link Up for the first time. I know this picture doesn't have children or animals in it or for that matter, people, I hope it still counts.

From my earlier post, you'll see that I spent a few hours at the Del Mar racetrack. Suddenly, I looked up and saw all these neat hot air balloons in the sky. It was such a cool sight that I had to capture it. The pictures really don't do it justice but I think you'll get what I mean. It almost didn't even look real and kind of cartoonish like. Riding in a hot air balloon is definitely on my bucket list! Have you done it and if not, do you want to?

OUCH!

Mama Kat's writing assignment this week is: It was a bad burn. Tell about the worst sunburn you ever received. How did that happen!?!

Oh man, I really can't choose just one. Let's just say I always have a bottle of Aloe Vera close at hand. I have had plenty of really really bad sunburns. Most of them usually happen because I have fallen asleep in the sun or I'm doing something fun and don't even realize how much time I've been out or when was the last time I applied sunscreen.

The picture above was from my trip two years ago to Australia. Apparently, you really are closer to the sun over there and the sun completely destroyed my pale skin after walking around downtown Melbourne for only 2 hours! I certainly learned my lesson the hard way.

I know how important it is to protect your skin when you are in the sun and thankfully, I've fully recovered from all my bad sun burns. Now I always make sure to lather on the sunscreen even if I'm not sure if I'll be outside or not. No skin cancer for me!