Sunday, June 19, 2011
I am My Father's Daughter
Another Fathers Day is upon us and I can't help but feel more like I truly am my father's daughter then ever before. I didn't think so when he was alive but I really do think about it a lot more now. I am realizing that I am more like him that I ever thought before. On difficult days like today, I am grateful for that fact more than ever.
To put it bluntly, my dad was a serious neat freak! Everything around him had to be clean and organized. It's not like everyday at our house we were cleaning but I absolutely despised our actual cleaning days because he became obsessed with it. He literally would get on his and hands and knees and scrub our tiled floor. He took such care in doing so. I guess my problem was that I didn't like being told to clean and I still don't today. I'll clean and clean as long as it's my decision. I wonder where that comes from... haha... But I'll tell you one thing that I realize now is that I take pride in having a clean house and a clean car. It makes me feel good knowing that my things aren't messy and smell nice. I think this is what my dad felt too. He just wanted the things he worked hard for to be taken care of and last a long time. I can't even stand it now when my bed doesn't get made in the morning. I am my father's daughter.
My dad was a very hard worker and felt his best after a long day at school as a principal. Sometimes he had a hard time putting that role on the shelf and enjoying himself. I used to not really understand this. How can someone be constantly thinking about work? That's certainly not healthy. My mom and I were very good at forgetting about our days and decompressing in front of the TV or at the dinner table. Yet, now, I get it. He was so busy at work taking care of things and getting things accomplished that after the day was done, he finally had a chance to sit back and really process through everything. I am the same way now. I am always wondering if I did the right thing, said the right thing and it's tough for me to put those thoughts out of my head. Perhaps, this means that like him, I worry too much. I am my father's daughter.
While my dad was an intensely hard worker, he could also kick back with a beer or two and relax on the weekend. He loved music and dancing. He loved iTunes on his computer and enjoyed collecting old dance hits. He was very organized and methodical about this process. Well, guess what? So am I now. Maybe not about gathering this same kind of music but I definitely am always updating my iTunes and purchasing the latest and greatest. I wish that we could have shared more music together. The Beatles were his all-time favorite group. Since he has passed away, I find more comfort and happiness in their music then ever before. When it comes to dancing, my dad may not have had the best dance moves in the world, but he had such fun dancing. I feel the same way. I may not know what I'm doing half the time out on the dance floor but I sure do feel great out there. I am my father's daughter.
My dad was an affectionate man and was always telling me that he loved me and that he was proud of me. There was never a day that didn't end with an "I love you" and a hug. It is for this reason that I am such an affectionate person today and find myself saying "I love you" at the end of every phone conversation with my sister and friends. It's just what I do. It's such a natural reaction for me. I never for a second ever questioned my father's love for me and I never want anyone I love today to ever question it either. I am a big fan of hugs too and will always be the first to give one. I am my father's daughter.
Well, Happy Fathers Day to my dad! I'm sure that I'll learn more ways we are alike as I grow older. RIP. XOXO
To all the other fathers out there, Happy Father's Day and may your daughters understand you and relate to you a little bit more with each passing day. : )