Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Broken But Hopeful Hearts

A close friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend. They were together for over two years and it's literally torn her world a part. I wish so badly that I could stop her pain and give this boy a serious beating. But it's just not possible for me to do either of those things.

I've had many friends break up with their boyfriends before and they've leaned on me for support but never has it affected me like this. Of course I'm always angry at these guys and long to mend my friends' broken hearts.

Yet, this time feels different. Perhaps, it's because we are older and these couples aren't silly and cavalier anymore. They are serious, mature relationships where future plans are often discussed. My heart aches for this friend whenever we talk on the phone. There's a sadness in me that I haven't felt quite before. Unfortunately she does not live anywhere near me so we must communicate via phone only. I'm in the process of mailing her something special though.

What have I learned from all this? Well, it has really got me thinking of what exactly I want in my soul mate. Yep, I am currently single and dating. By the way, dating in LA is tough..more on that subject in another post.
So, several months ago, I asked my friends what they wanted in their perfect man and women. These lists were kind of silly and pretty unrealistic and I didn't mention specifically what things I wanted in a guy so without further delay, here is my list:
  • Someone who won't just text me.
  • On that note, write me old fashioned love letters every once in a while!
  • I'd like him to want to communicate with me everyday but not necessarily need to. Plus, some days all I need is a quick hello.
  • Someone who won't play any games with me. I don't understand them and have no time for any of that nonsense.
  • Plan some of the dates too. Don't leave it all up to me.
  • Someone who will pay our dinner bills, at least in the beginning of our courtship. I'm all for splitting it later or even picking up the check entirely.
  • Open doors, pull out chairs-you know, its called chivalry! Learn it! I think a lot of the guys of my generation have forgotten what this is all about.
  • Dance. Ok, I understand that not all guys enjoy dancing but at least try a little for me.
  • Remember things about myself that I tell you and then ask me about them later. I am constantly asking questions so I expect a similar respect from my partner.
  • I will compliment you when I first see you, so please do the same for me.
  • When we get fairly serious, ask me to meet your family.
  • If you get the pleasure of meeting my friends, actively be interested in them and getting to know them better. My friends are my family so they better approve of you.
  • While we are on the subject of friends, consider yourself lucky when you've gotten to meet a few of them.
  • Again, after we've been together for awhile, ask me about my parents. If I care about you, I'll want to share things about them with you.
  • Be passionate about things in your life.
  • Can you simply woo me?!
I'm sure there are lots of other traits and characteristics that I look for in a guy but these are the things that have been on my mind lately.

If my friend doesn't get back together with this boyfriend, then I hope with all heart and soul that the next guy has all these qualities and much much more. She is definitely precious cargo. : )


  1. Absolutely beautiful, my love :) Thank you so much! I am doing so much better, all because you are the most amazing and supportive person I have ever met! I am so lucky to have met you. LOVE YOU!!!!

  2. Oh my word...I love your list a little to much!!! My thoughts and feelings EXCACTLY!!! I am currently casually dating this guy and he is missing a few of these key points from the list...tis tis, no good...he may be getting to boot pretty soon.

    I am sorry to hear about your friend. It is always rough to see a good friend go through a rough breakup. You are right...when relationships end now-a-days (in our older years) it does seem entirely different.

  3. I'm sorry for your friend, but once she has time to heal, hopefully she'll get back out there and find someone that will make all her dreams come true.

    Your list is a tall order, but good for you for taking the time to think about it and writing it out. Now, it's out there in the universe and he can come find you. :)