Mother's Day

This day hurts. It still don't know how to exist in a world where my parents don't and I guess that will never really change. I lost three people the day they died; my mom, my dad and my best friend.

At some point in my life, my mom became my best friend. I'm not sure when exactly but it did happen. I was robbed of so many more memories with my mom. I can't begin to describe the ache I feel inside to not have her around anymore. She and I had a unique bond and there is a large hole in my heart that she used to fill. I could tell her everything and I mean EVERYTHING. She never judged me and always understood where I was coming from. I have this letter that she sent me my freshman year in college and she wrote, "A new teacher at our school asked me yesterday if I really did miss you, and I said of course. She questioned the closeness we have...but I told her you were my best friend too."

Nothing in the world would make me happier than if I could see her right now and spend the day doing things we loved. We would go see a movie, grab lunch, get a manicure and pedicure, go shopping, take a dip in the pool, make dinner together and then spend all night watching Sex and City episodes and talking in between.

Below are the lyrics to the song "Mama" by the Spice Girls. Yes, I know, the Spice Girls.... But I remember playing it for my mom and she got teary eyed. I think that's when I told her that she was truly my best friend. I still can't really hear this song without crying but I love it and think it's a very sweet song.

She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I crossed the line,
I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would
Become the friend I never had

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend

I didn't want to hear it then but
I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
About the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend, My friend

But now I'm sure I know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All I can give you is love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend

Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You're my friend

I'll love and miss you forever Kathi Ruppert Adams.