Wednesday, May 26, 2010

To Text or not to Text?

According to Wikipedia, text messaging refers to the exchange of brief written messages between mobile and portable devices. It however doesn't describe just how massively popular texting has become in today's relationships. Without getting super personal, I will say that I have been known to text in a lot of my relationships. I've also been hearing many of my friends talk about all the texting going on with the guys they are dating and even their boyfriends. So, I decided to ask my friends what their thoughts were on texting in relationships. Like most topics, I see both sides of the argument and found it very interesting to hear the thoughts of my very smart friends. Below were the best responses I received on this heated debate:
  • "Texting is a hinderance. Period. Guys have become too shy or awkward to talk on the telephone, everything is misconstrued, and it just causes drama. Moral of the story - adult conversations don't happen through text. So grow up and give me a call, or don't contact me at all. You have to cut off the texting, make up some excuse about how you've run over your plan so if he wants to talk to you he has to call... If a guy likes you, he's going to make that effort. Texting is lazy, and is for losers. Plus, he could be sending the same kinds of texts OR the exact same texts to other girls... Train them from the beginning, otherwise you'll never get rid of that behavior."
  • "1) If you text me to ask for the first date, I will not go. Grow a pair of balls and call. 2) Never ever attempt sarcasm in a text message with the person you are dating, no good can come of it. 3) If you are angry or I am angry call. My boyfriend and I used to get in text message arguments that would last days. I have absolutely refused to do anything so idiotic again in my life. 4) Don't be clingy, texting me 10 times a day is just as bad as calling 10 times a day. The only acceptable reason to text 10 times is if I ask a question and you are replying. Most text message exchanges should go like this 1)Invite 2) Details (if I ask) 3) Time and if you are picking me up 4) Be there in 5 minutes 5) Here. Very rarely is there ever a need for more. I would say most girls wouldn't mind a 6th saying looking forward to seeing you but that is not necessary every time."
  • "What has texting done for your relationships and in the general dating world? Texting has taken the chivalry from dating. It is the most effortless way to reach out to someone yet often the most relied upon. Texting should be used with people who are already familiar and in a relationship, for a means of letting them know you’re thinking of them or to confirm a meeting place or time. Sadly these days when just getting to know someone texting is often the only option offered, and extremely impersonal. It provides a wall of security for daters as a text does not take much effort, so if ignored it is not as big of a blow to the ego if ignored, versus say a phone call. But a text does not tell you anything about a person as they are just words."
  • "Is this texting frenzy helping or hindering these guys you are dating? Hurting – you cannot get to know someone over a text. I used to never respond to a guy who texted first without calling, now I have a three text rule, I will allow three texts from him but after that if he doesn’t pick up the phone and call he’s out."
  • "So, texting can be good and evil, like all forms of communication---you can actually use it to communicate or you can use it to mis-communicate. But some things make texting especially vexing: that it's written means you can't discern intonation and emotion easily. The character limit and the difficulty of phone-typing can make for messages that seem curt, hurried, even rude, or at least distant (on the opposite end, they can seem over the top affectionate, too, if they're filled with i love yous and shit). The fact that it beeps and arrives instantly makes it seem potentially aggressive. Because of the ease of texting i think it's often overused--keeping people overly connected, overly involved with each others lives than perhaps they would be were the relationship progressing at its "natural" pace, whatever that means. There's also little in the way of text etiquette, which means it's kind of a minefield, especially if two people disagree on the nature of texting. Is it to be considered more urgent than an email? Because it beeps, should i answer it right away? Or as soon as possible? When is it an acceptable substitute for/preferred method over phone or email? (and this becomes a complicated question for people who receive email on their phones). When is it ok to start texting someone regularly? Is it less or more intimate than emailing or phoning someone? And there are all the questions of content: how formal should i be in my language (particularly a question for blackberry and iphone and android etc users, for whom its easier to type)? Do i use emoticons and slang because that's texting norm, or is it immature? Aaaalllllll that said, i like texting, because i'm a quick typist, because texting is a nice medium between phones and emails in the early part of dating, and i really hate phone calls. texting eliminates the suspense of the phone call (ie, you dont know WHY he's calling and maybe need to have a lie/excuse/alternate plan/date idea/expression of enthusiasm/flirtatious line ready). It also substitutes for the dullest of phone calls (to plan where/when to meet, to say good morning or good night, to ask if someone's free tonight). I also especially like sexting. it's less intimate and demanding than either phone or cyber sex, and has fewer whorish/1-900/late night basic cable ad/pedophilic associations."
  • "I think the popularity of texting is a sign of the crumbling of civilization! No commitment or risk in sending all these quickie messages. It's sad."


  1. I heard once that if texting was invented before telephones, everyone would be like "Oh, we can actually talk to someone, screw texting!"

  2. The 5th point above is the best.

    I HATE talking on the phone, so for me texting is crucial... I can ask a quick question or send a funny quip or just say hello, letting the receiver know I'm thinking about them. It's convenient and discreet.

    Nothing can replace a face-to-face conversation or the sound of someone's voice, but texting sure is fun and easier.

    I do urge everyone reading this to NOT text while driving!!!

  3. wanderful post,thank you for share