Monday, June 14, 2010

Feels Like Home

Other than my sister and of course, her one year old son, Lucas, there aren't many people in my life who make me feel like "home". What does that even mean? I don't really know...I think it's simply a feeling of absolute love and sheer warmness you get whenever you are around certain people. I guess you could say you are surrounded by those warm and fuzzies. I usually feel this way if I'm totally comfortable with those silent moments when no one is saying a single thing. How do you know when you are totally comfortable with someone?

Honestly, before my parents died, I didn't look for those "homey" feelings from anyone else but them and my sister. I didn't need it from anyone else. I already had those intimate unconditional homey feelings all taken care of. And that horrible day they died, I lost all of that. I suppose recently I've come to the understanding that I'm not completely shut off from letting others in and allowing myself to feel that way with other people. The Moyers are a perfect example of this. Sure, I'll never be able to be around anyone who makes me feel just like my parents did and that is extremely painful. However, it's hopeful knowing that my heart is still open.

I'd like to thank Emily and her parents for making me truly realize all of this. There have of course been several other friends these past 2 years that have shown me that and for which I'll be forever grateful to. I think that they all know who there are. It's strange... I know I'll always have this aching hole in my heart but families like the Moyers are definitely lessening it every day.

Well, thank you for reading this and for allowing me to open my heart with all of you once again.


  1. I'm so glad that you have people in your life that make you feel this way. Feeling "at home" and comfortable with someone is a wonderful gift.

  2. Oh Leah, you're completely right...your post made me cry. Thank you. I'm so glad that you feel at home with my family. I truly do feel like you're part of the family, and that nothing really changes between us despite how ever long it's been between visits. I love reading your blog and feeling closer to you :) And, more importantly, I love you!

  3. Leah, this is a beautiful post...and I remember you saying that I feel 'like home' to you which really touched me,...and I just want to say that it goes both ways (even though I cannot put it as eloquently as you did). The many years we've known each other truly account for something special that can only be bought with time, a lot of it (which is quite a commodity these days as we get older). It makes for the kind of effortless friendship to be cherished and preserved, and I am so grateful I got that in this life with you, and all of my other close ISY friends (I moved so far from my home but I am so lucky that I have so many of you near me). I know the past has been painful for you but I am so looking forward to see how the future develops - how our lives will turn out because I know no matter what I know we will always be able to share what we have in it with each other, always. <3