Feels Like Home

Other than my sister and of course, her one year old son, Lucas, there aren't many people in my life who make me feel like "home". What does that even mean? I don't really know...I think it's simply a feeling of absolute love and sheer warmness you get whenever you are around certain people. I guess you could say you are surrounded by those warm and fuzzies. I usually feel this way if I'm totally comfortable with those silent moments when no one is saying a single thing. How do you know when you are totally comfortable with someone?

Honestly, before my parents died, I didn't look for those "homey" feelings from anyone else but them and my sister. I didn't need it from anyone else. I already had those intimate unconditional homey feelings all taken care of. And that horrible day they died, I lost all of that. I suppose recently I've come to the understanding that I'm not completely shut off from letting others in and allowing myself to feel that way with other people. The Moyers are a perfect example of this. Sure, I'll never be able to be around anyone who makes me feel just like my parents did and that is extremely painful. However, it's hopeful knowing that my heart is still open.

I'd like to thank Emily and her parents for making me truly realize all of this. There have of course been several other friends these past 2 years that have shown me that and for which I'll be forever grateful to. I think that they all know who there are. It's strange... I know I'll always have this aching hole in my heart but families like the Moyers are definitely lessening it every day.

Well, thank you for reading this and for allowing me to open my heart with all of you once again.